Friday, April 20, 2012

Losing (Cruise) Control

I have recently had my eyes opened to something really important. That it isn't what I plan for tomorrow and beyond, but what I am doing today and in the moment that matters.

. I had a car and a really nice, sporty looking, well running, dependable car and a...for me...large payment. The major focus of my life became,,,making this large payment. I tried to arrange things that would help me keep it and move on...a smaller more manageable loan...that was a mess...I won't go into that, but suffice it to say sometimes even the best of intentions can go astray.

 Then it needed tires...more money into the pit and so on. I didn't want to sell it till I had another car. In the meantime, it was costing me another payment and a need for more help than I was comfortable with.
I finally decided to sell it outright to a dealer and went around to find who would give me the most for it and sold it. They paid off my loan and gave me a little extra.When I signed the papers I thought I would have a pang or two when I walked away from it that day. (Did I say it was a good car, a sharp little sporty car that I enjoyed looking at and realizing it was mine?).... but I didn't...have any pangs and  I don't have any now. I don't have another car waiting in the wings and I don't care...I will probably get another car someday...But for now...

I just feel like something has been lifted off my back.

 I have been let off the treadmill,

out of the cage,

 a load has been lifted. I pay for a ride if some one is going the same place I am going, give my gas discounts from grocery shopping to others who are driving, call Share-A-Ride and more often just walk where I am going and it hasn't bothered me a bit!
I often just walk where I'm going
I'm more focused on the things in the moment that are around me
I have been more focused on the moment, been feeling better, and found other ways to get around that I didn't even know were there before.
Yes, I am home more, yes I can't just jump into the car for a quick trip to the store...I am making lists and going weekly for small items...monthly for big shopping...but when I do go my efforts are more effective...more deliberate.
If I had children, it would be a different story, they would have to ride the bus and so on, if I lived in the country I would have to plan my trips around when a car was available, but what I see happening in my life is that I am living in the moment...I am living on purpose, instead of skimming the is getting simpler instead of harder to do.
Choosing what to spend the precious moments of my life on is easier. And now when I'm walking instead of running through my life... my Creator...The ONE that I want to serve not just for a thousand years, but forever, is a quiet whisper away.

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