#9. To Be Able To Get It And Go On When I'm Wrong
I find it odd that at times my children do not reflect the ideals I strived so diligently to install in them. They're grown and on their own, but we converse at regular intervals. However being busy and separated by varying distances we talk on the phone.
What up? The usual. Sometimes I hear distant echos of my own thoughts from them and
there is this wonderful sense of continuity and satisfaction that comes over me... occasionally, however, I will say something or do something and someone related to me closely will say "I disagree, Mom or Sis. I think you're wrong, or I feel differently about this." What!?! And my cozy little feel good fantasy world in which we are all one and the same, you know such a close, unified family gets a severe thwacking. UH....well, ok. I raised you to think for yourself and uhemm you are almost old enough to do that. What does your wife/husband say about this?
Generally, I am willing to forgo the head to head conflict and the consequences that come with that.
I want to remain on more than just speaking terms with my progeny and others to whom I'm related.
For instance, excessive sighing, head shaking, eye rolling or if on the phone using it to pound on something, would not be endearing on either side. I say to myself, "Don't do that. No, never...really, I mean it, never do that! It just doesn't delight the very people you want to relate to or be related to...."
I love it when these conversations happen on the phone because I can mouth the words WHAAAT!!!??? and yet my voice is still calm and it is really quite easy to deep breathe with my mouth wide open. My family is quite good at reading my face, no, read frustratingly good at it. Maybe it's the color that creeps up my neck or the set of my jaw when my teeth clench, but that is not a problem on the phone. Usually, we talk on in fairly mild terms, with a silence or two till we have stated our side of thought.
Of course, we agree a lot of the time (I think) about many things now that they are out of the house and have been self-supporting for years(thank goodness) because although we are in tune often, we are very individual thinkers. The music is very sweet over the phone.
Incidentally, if any of my family are reading this I wasn't talking about you and if you are rolling your eyes....